The Past Year

It was about this time last year that my journey began. Ruby Sue was six months old and weighed only eight pounds. After a train-wreck of a nursing relationship, she began to refuse the breast. I turned to the internet to find the help that local doctors and Lactation Consultants couldn’t give. I’m very happy to say… that I found it!

I started blogging in an attempt to bleed out some of the pent up anger, sorrow, and fear that had festered beneath the surfface for the past six months. My blog was passed around on Facebook and shared on mom-support groups. Somehow, by the hand of God, it ended up before Jennifer Tow.

That’s when the turn around started. Jennifer contacted me. The information she gave was unorthodox, but felt right. Many friends told me I was crazy to consider paying a woman half way across the world (She lived in Paris at the time), that I didn’t know, to help me heal my baby. I spent much time in prayer and in agony, trying to make the right decision. Unknown to me, this decision would change the rest of my life.

When most everyone told me “no,” I felt the leading of God’s Spirit to hire Jennifer. One of the hardest decisions became the best decision. What many called “a chance,” or “a risk,” I called a “leap of faith.” I hired her.

  • We took Ruby off of the “f-word” (aka formula), and began making my own formula from raw goat milk.
  • Eliminated dairy and gluten
  • I generally began eating healthier

Within 3 months, Ruby gained 5 pounds!

Our lives have forever changed because of Jennifer Tow. I have abandoned the “SAD” (Standard American Diet) in pursuit of health and healing. One year ago, I weighed 174lbs. Today I am 125lbs.

I no longer eat to entertain myself, please myself, or to fill an empty void. I eat to nourish my body. If it is not nourishing, it does not get eaten. No longer am I slave to the carb cycle, the ever-demanding roller coaster of hypo- and hyper-. I understand what hunger feels like, not the sugar crash. There is no sugar crash now- because my diet is no longer based on the consumption of sugar.

It is liberating! Many pity me because I “cannot” eat like them. Yet I pity them for being bound to a way of life where they feel obligated to eat unhealthy food  out of fear of being unpolite or unusual.

I feel more alive than ever before! Colors of more vibrate. Sounds are more crsip. Feelings are more intense. Clarity of mind. Temperance. This may sound strange, but I feel closer to God. More able to sense Him, hear His voice. I see things more logically, less emotionally. I have an easier time with my toddler. I don’t become as angry as before. Whenever there is a meltdown (if you have a toddler, you know what I’m talking about), I am able to calmly remove her from the situation and loveingly correct her. She listens and respects me now.

Whilst mentioning the progress, I would be remise not to acknowledge the road that still lies ahead. Ruby continues to battle flare-ups of eczema. It would be really nice if she would gain some more weight. There is still much to be learned. More gut healing for all of us. But we are on the right course. There are slip ups, times I cheat (like my step-mom’s DIVINE cheese cake she made today), and points of ignorance. But I’m thankful for the journey. Not nursing Ruby Sue was one of the most difficult things I have ever suffered in my life. But it has turned out for the better! Now I’m glad it all happened. The experience, what I have learned, and how I have changed has become part of who I am. God’s word was true when he said, “All things work together for good to them that love God, to those who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28



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