I made it the first 48 hours of the colon cleanse fast. WOW! What an amazing experience with God! I experienced a deep level of healing. Words really cannot express it. Such immediate access to the presence of God. I understand now why Jesus said that the ability to perform miracles and cast out demons only comes by prayer and fasting (Matthew 17:21).
I originally planned to fast three days. But my milk supply went down too low so I cut it short. I continued eating according to the strict diet until this past week. I had a weak moment that opened the flood gates. I plan to fast again soon and start back on it. The sugar cravings are still there, but not as severe.
I started making coconut milk kefir. It is the nastiest tasting stuff! But I can tell a huge difference when I drink it. It’s very strong so I keep it in my fridge after fermentation and sip it throughout the day.
Ruby Sue has been doing great!!!!! She goes back to the doctor on Thursday. We’ll find out her weight then. I’m not sure how much she has gained, but she looks HUGE compared to a month ago! I am so excited!!! She also has started clapping, playing peek-a-boo, and also communicates that she needs a diaper change by coming to me and patting her diaper (time to start potty training!).
Her jaw is still not holding the alignment. She rubs her jaw and pulls her ear even while finger feeding on the large tubing now. I still finger feed her on occasion, but she is primarily on the bottle now. I’m hoping that allowing those muscles to get more rest with help with the alignment issues.
I have been doing many of the things that Mama and Baby Love suggested in her blog post about “Make Your Boobs a Happy Place.” It seems to be working! Last night after church, I nursed Loretta. My breast was still exposed and Ruby was looking at it. So I teased her with it a bit.
Backing up a little, whenever Ruby is going to eat, she always naws on it first. My finger or a bottle. Yes, it hurts. But I’ve kinda figured that if she ever went back to the breast, biting would be something I needed to be prepared for.
And it happened. She bit the FIRE out of my nipple. Then took several sucks. I was still full (because Loretta can’t transfer milk very well) and I also hand expressed for her. She bit me a second time and then released. I was good. I didn’t scream or anything. I had prepared myself for this. I praised her and smiled and quickly covered my breast up again before she decided she wanted another try. I don’t think I could have handled three bits in a row like that.
Even though I have been working on making my boobs a happy place, I still hold true that I am not trying to nurse right now. My focus right now is on healing. Making my boobs a happy place is a vital part of that healing. My breasts symbolize pain to me and to her. I want that heal that pain. I have not been praying about nursing or even allowing myself to think about the possibility that she could nurse in the future. Right now, it’s all about healing. And healing we shall continue to do.