Hope Against Hope

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. That’s for a couple of reasons… 1. I have immersed myself back into ministry. Attending youth services, Youth Rallies, Sunday School, even helping to launch a college campus ministry. 2. Nothing all that interesting to talk about. 3. The power cord to my Mac Book died, and I avoid Windows based computers as much as possible.

It feels great to be moving on! I haven’t given up on nursing, but I have switched my focus back to living my life and pursuing my passion (youth ministry). I has been very good for me and my family. Even Ruby, I think. But I still feel like I have a hole in my heart at times. Finger feeding her with the SNS has helped tremendously. It’s almost like nursing her. I often can feel myself letdown while I’m feeding her (which is pretty amazing, because I’ve never been able to feel them before). But it’s still not the same as actually nursing her.

I’ve been thinking lately about faith. I’ve done just about all I can do in the natural to get her to nurse. I’ve reached out to all my mom’s groups and called a few LCs to get more ideas of things to try. They all said that I’ve tried them all. So I decided to try faith.

Romans chapter four talks about Abraham’s faith. Abraham was promised to be the father of a great nation, but his wife was barren. She was barren for several years, all the while, Abraham had this promise. The Bible says this in Romans 4:18-21.

“Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations, according to that which was spoken, So shall thy seed be. And being not weak in faith, he considered not his own body now dead, when he was about an hundred years old, neither yet the deadness of Sarah’s womb:He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God; And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform.”

I would still be trying to nurse if I hadn’t received a promise for God about this. I’m hardheaded and stubborn, but not THAT hardheaded and stubborn. I feel like I’m in a similar place as Abraham right now. Abraham believed God’s promise when there was nothing there to give him hope.

I have no hope of nursing Ruby Sue this natural world. The LC told me yesterday over the phone that as Ruby gets older, she will loose her sucking reflex. She probably has already begun to loose it. She had no other suggestions for things for me to try but wished me success anyway. How’s that for encouragement?

Loretta went down for a nap so I crawled into my bed with Ruby and a Bible. I finger fed her while ready the above scripture. Then I tried to nurse her again…

Listen to this…. I put the tube under my breast, with the tip of it sticking out 1/4 inch past my nipple. Then placed my finger under the tube, so that the tube was sandwiched in between my breast and finger. Then latched her on. She was mostly asleep and took it. After a few moments, I slipped my finger out and she continued nursing for about 7 minutes.

As you can imagine, I was super excited about this and took a picture with my phone, I updated my facebook status, texted my closest family and friends. It was beautiful. And I enjoyed every precious moment of it.

Today wasn’t so great though. Tried the same trick but no luck. Trying very hard not to be discouraged. But it’s hard sometimes. Not gonna lie. Very hard. Seems like it’s always the hardest just after a breakthrough. You would think I would have more strength and encouragement than ever, right?

Nope. Never have I had such inner conflict to give up than right now. Today, I am struggling big time with giving up. Right after a HUGE breakthrough. How dumb is that?

It’s been on my mind to go to Le Leche meeting since church tonight. I’ve never been to one but have always wanted to go. Maybe that will give me the extra boost I need to keep going.

I feel like if I were to give up now, it would be a lack of faith. I’ve come so far! I’ve got a promise! I have to keep going. I have to hope against hope!


4 responses

  1. Samantha,
    I know you have spoken with many different LCs but it does concern me that you have written a lot about our work together and it might easily be construed that I am the person who made the above comments to you. As I have helped babies back to beast older than Ruby Sue, I would certainly never say something like that. I hope that you will clarify such comments when you post. Also, you might find it helpful to contact Jen S (on the IPN list) directly, to talk with her about relatching her baby.

    • Post has been updated. Thanks for pointing that out. I’m facinated that you say you’ve gotten older babies to go back to the breast. Do you agree that her sucking reflex may already be disappearing or do you think the other LC, Mary, is wrong? I don’t think she is right about that. Maybe if she was bottle feeding or using a sippy cup or something. But with her finger feeding, I would think that she would keep the reflex since she uses it each time she eats. But what do you think?

      I will contact Jen S. Hopefully she will have additional suggestions of things for us to try.

      Thanks Again!

  2. Pingback: All Hope is Gone « Nursing Ruby Sue

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