Alas, another time of questioning. I grow very tired of these, as I’m sure you do too.
I have a plan to transition Ruby Sue back to the breast. I’ve even come up with a few additional “tricks” that I haven’t posted just yet. But, yet again, I’m questioning myself.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that breastfeeding is what’s best for Ruby physically. Breastfeeding prevents ear infections because the breast doesn’t continuously drip milk after the infant falls asleep. Breastfeeding preserves milk supply (obviously pumping doesn’t always do that). It also provides fresh milk so the enzymes, antibodies, stem cells, etc are transferred to the baby in optimum condition. A few things, among several others…
But at this point, is breast feeding what is best for Ruby emotionally? I know that it will be great for us both once it is established and healthy. But is that even possible at this point? Is it worth the risk of putting her through more stress in an attempt to get back to the breast, knowing it may not work?
Although Ruby is finally catching up, she is still grossly under weight. If I have to take the bottle away for just a moment, she has a total meltdown. It almost looks like she begins to panic. I’ve not been around many bottle fed babies so I don’t know… Is that normal? Or could it really be panic because she fears she will not be fed to satisfaction? She did go hungry quite a bit as a young baby because I did not know what was wrong. Could she have emotional damage from this?
Every time I bring her to the breast, she starts yelling, pushing me away, kicking, screaming. Is it possible she is suffering emotional tramua? I did try on many occasions to force her onto the breast.
If this is the case, is there a natural way to treat it? Will time heal these wounds? Will she struggle with eating disorders down the road? Am I overreacting and loosing my mind? Am I looking into this too much? Or are these real concerns? Should I still try to transition her back to the breast? Or wait until she reaches the growth curve (in about two months)? Will she forget the trauma by then? Or do we need to let this be and stop trying?
I fear that if I don’t get back to the breast soon that my milk supply will soon become a bigger problem than it already is. It seemed to be going up. I don’t know what happened but it suddenly went back down again. I’ve been so worried and upset that for the sake of my own sanity, I stopped keeping track of how much I’m pumping for the last three days. Tomorrow I will keep track to see just how bad it is.
God, just so you know, I could really use a breakthrough right about now. And how about some direction and guidance. How about a sign? A giant billboard that spells out exactly what I’m supposed to do and when I’m supposed to do it. That would certainly help. I need to know what is best for Ruby.