Weary & Confused… But Still Pressing On!

Well today has been another emotional train wreck. *sigh* There are so many things I don’t understand. I know life isn’t about understanding everything. I’m ok with that concept, but COME ON ALREADY!

Milk supply isn’t doing too well. I gave up on even keeping track of it in my spread sheet today because it was too depressing. I stopped because I felt preserving my sanity was more important than knowing exactly how bad it is. *Again, SIGH!*

I think it’s a calcium deficiency. This happened to me with Loretta. I couldn’t have any dairy with her because it gave her bad gas. Soy milk gets expensive, so I couldn’t afford to drink a lot of it and I forgot to buy more calcium supplements, so I went without any for about two weeks. (For you who are grammar police, I know that was a run-on sentence, but I don’t care!) We were on vacation when I stopped making milk. And when I say I stopped, I mean I stopped! She slept through the night and when she woke up 7 hours later, there still wasn’t any milk. I tried hand expressing to see what the problem was and couldn’t get more than a few drops out. For lunch we met some friends and the took us to a pizza joint. I gave in and ate a TON of pizza, loaded with cheese (which is pretty rich in calcium). In less than 30 minutes my milk came in so strong that I was hurting.

I’m wondering if that could be the problem. I was told that cow’s milk is a poor source of calcium, so I grabbed a handout from my Doctor’s office the other day that lists the top sources of protein, dairy and non-dairy.

Cow’s milk, skim has 300mg of calcium. The other items mentioned that were none dairy were sardines (370mg)-because I’m going to eat sardines, right? Sunflower seeds (270mg/oz) There were several others listed, I just can’t remember them all. But the two I mentioned above were the only ones close to milk. Everything else on the list was 70mg, 140mg, 50mg, etc.

So…… Yeah…… Not sure what to think there. I just took the calcium supplement, drank 2 cups of soy milk, and took some Natural Calm. Hopefully that will help.

In addition to the ridiculousness that involves my milk supply, is how the transitions are going (not going, I should say) with Ruby. I was ready to stop pumping and just put her on formula exclusively. My husband had to talk me off the ledge again tonight. He told me to pray about it. I don’t know what to pray. He said I should pray that God gives Ruby a desire to nurse and that He reveals to me what I need to do to get her back to the breast.

I know that the right thing to do is to keep pressing on, but I’m so tried of it all! I’m weary. The Bible says, “be not weary in well doing, for in due season ye shall reap if he faint not.” Easier said than done. But who ever said motherhood and doing what is right was easy? It isn’t about what is easy; It’s about what is right.

So I’m weary and I’m confused…. But I’m still pressing on because that’s the RIGHT thing to do. Tomorrow is Sunday! I could use a touch of God’s presence. He makes everything feel right in a world that is all wrong. I know if I can just make it to church tomorrow, God will have a word to help me press on.


2 responses

  1. I was really looking forward to seeing how your transitions were going and was thinking of trying something similar (don’t feel pressured though!). I have been trying to nurse my 6.5 month son unsuccessfully since he was born. I can relate to so much that you have written here. The ups and downs, the regrets, the profound sadness, and not being able to stop trying. I hope there are some bigger lessons that we are learning through all of this. Thank you for writing about your experience and I wish you lots of healing and happiness for you and your family!!

    • It’s a good feeling to realize that I’m not alone. There are others who go through and make it through the same things we do. I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles. I hope that my blog helps you in whatever way it can. I would love to hear your story. Can u email me about it? We can encourage and up hold each other through our journey. samanthaguerra223@gmail.com

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