“Nursing Ruby Sue” Poem

There is one thing I want more than anything else

to nurse Ruby Sue, even just one ounce

Why, oh why, did it have to be this way?

I have always dreaded this day-

 

The day I give up

I’m at the end of the rope

“tie a knot and hold on” they say

But there is no hope

 

I could list the many “advantages” and conveniences

of being a formula mom

It’s quicker, it’s easier

I could even leave her at home

 

At the restaurant I will no need cover

Dressing to nurse, there’s no need to bother

Someone else can get up during the night

There’s no more struggle, there’s no more fight

 

Convenience, ease, SLEEP, and hobbies

A real vacation and even massages

Church services without interruption

Teaching Sunday School is no longer a problem

 

But all this and more

Would I gladly give

Just for one more suckle

Just for one more nursing grin

 

What on Earth can I say or do

nothing, nothing

There’ no more nursing

My Sweet Ruby Sue

 

I wrote this poem about two weeks ago. I didn’t post it at the time because I was still holding out hope that it would work out. I’m still holding out hope. But I am grieving the loss of our breast feeding relationship.

I can occasionally get her to nurse when I use the supplementer and coax her onto the breast using sugar water. But she’s extremely tense the entire time. She doesn’t want to nurse. So even though I get the privilege of nursing her every now and then, our breast feeding relationship is severely damaged. And boy, oh boy, does that hurt.

I used to have a very hard time sitting the nursery so much at church while nursing her. I would grumble because I was constantly missing worship, prayer, and sermons. Oh, I wish I could go back a have a different attitude about it. I would savor every moment of nursing her and not see it as a drudgery. My heart is full of regrets for wrong attitudes and ungratefulness. How I wish I had acted differently and felt differently. I miss nursing her so badly. I let someone bottle feed her Wednesday during church while I went to the nursery to pump. When I walked in, my eye caught the extra nursing pillow I bought to keep at the church. Then the throat lump reappeared.

*Sigh* I should make the most out of the future moments I have with her and Loretta. I can find other ways to bond. That’s the most important thing, after all.

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3 responses

  1. Oh Samantha, I feel for you! Though I did get things worked out with my son after 6 long months and was able to nurse him until he was 13 months I had LONGED to nurse him for 2 or more years. With all the pain (like physical pain to nurse him for the whole 13 months) and struggles we faced and despite how different things turned out than how I had dreamed about for 9 wonderful months, nursing him taught me so much more than nursing my first did (with absolutely zero troubles). I know how hard it is to realize things aren’t what you wanted them to be and won’t ever be that way (I still remember how I felt when that realization hit me) but now that I’m long past that situation in my life I am so thankful for it as it has taught me so much more than I ever would have thought. It taught me compassion for women who struggle or just don’t nurse, gratitude for having such a high privilege of nursing at all, love for my child as we worked hard together through therapy after therapy, awe of how God made a mother and baby and the little things that make that relationship work with or without nursing, and so much more. This situation isn’t what you ever dreamed, I know, but God is using it in ways you’ll never understand at this present moment and you’ll learn so much more from little Miss Ruby Sue than you did from nursing your precious Loretta. Praying for you sweet momma! I know it’s hard but we serve a gracious and compassionate Savior who loves us more than we can ever know. He’s holding you in His hands and He’s caring for your precious baby too.

  2. Pingback: More Hope & More Options Than I Previously Thought « Nursing Ruby Sue

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