Past the Point of No Return

The point of no return in when a jet plane travels far enough into a flight that it does not have enough fuel to return back to its place of departure.

I fear that I am past the point of no return with Ruby. Even if I WANTED to bottle feed formula, it’s not even an option now. Many things have changed since I’ve written “My Last Shot.”

  • Ruby has lost about half the weight she gained since we began supplementing with formula
  • Ruby gets sick from the formula. It’s gotten worse, not better. We use the formula that is for the most sensitive babies. So there’s no sense in playing the “musical formula” game.
  • Jennifer Tow IBCLC has gotten involved in my situation and is assisting me in linking all the pieces together to fix the problems.
This is no longer about my desire to nurse Ruby Sue.  This is about her life and her health. She needs to gain weight. Obviously the formula isn’t doing it. There’s something deeper going on.
She didn’t take the breast today at the lactation consult. I was afraid I would be deeply devastated by this, but I’m not. I expected it really.
After talking to Jennifer, I believe that there is a deeper gut problem. No baby, whether on breast milk or formula should have stool that looks like Ruby’s stool. The lack of weight gain seems to be a symptom of the problem, and not the problem itself.
At this point, I’m weary and tired. I’m ok with her being bottle fed if that’s what it takes for her to be healthy. But it hasn’t made her any healthier.
So we just keep digging for the answers and praying for the solution to present itself. I’m hoping that the plan Jennifer and I have come up with will put an end to this ridiculousness.

One response

  1. Hey there mama. You’re doing such a tremendous job and fighting such a tremendous fight. I am rooting for you all the way! Just remember, ONE DAY at a time. One feed at a time, really. I have total faith in the plan you and Jennifer worked out, but please be gentle with yourself as you go. Mistakes will be made, and there will still be hard days. You have totally seen the light at the end of the tunnel, and it is there, but the only way out is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. <—- That's a lotta cliches, but cliches became cliches because they're so often true.

    I know just what you mean about the point of no return. I totally do. But there were times where I really let myself be frustrated by not getting there all at once, if that makes any sense. One piece had to lead to another, and then another, and another. Try to stay in the moment as much as you can, and love that sweet baby of yours, too. :O) I know you know all this in your heart, I'm just cheering you on on what sounds like a tough day. Remember you can call or email me, too!


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